Yesterday, for the first time since starting this blog series, I seriously considered scrapping the whole thing.
It was a fleeting thought that was birthed in a moment of frustration rather than out of actual intent, but the fact that it even occurred to me was surprising.
The whole premise of this series is consistency: one blog post a day, no skipping.
The consistency rule applies to posting Instagram stories too (I post on my travel account every time I go to a new city, so of course this entire trip is being documented), but there, it’s different. If I don’t post for a day or two, it doesn’t really matter because when I do get back to it, I can pull out pictures from my camera roll from a few days ago and cover up the missed days. Stories disappear after 24 hours anyway, and once they’re in highlights, no one can tell what was posted when.
But with this blog series, it’s different. These blogs capture feelings that pictures can’t, and if I don’t note them down in real time, I risk forgetting. I’ve managed to be consistent every single day so far, and the more days that go by, the bigger the motivation to see this through until the end.
But today, I had such terrible writer’s block and the stress of yesterday’s post pending was enough to consider letting all of it go.
Sunk cost is usually a strong enough motivator for me. Turns out, it was today too, because I did end up writing, even if it was a battle. But the whole experience made me question whether it’s even worth writing when I genuinely have nothing to say.
Sometimes, I feel like my days just aren’t as eventful as to deserve being written about anymore.
When Mama and the rest of the family were here, every day was packed with new experiences. More experiences meant more thoughts, more reflections, more to write about.
But now, I practically live here. My days revolve around finding study spots and then studying. Occasionally, we move hostels. It’s just a slower rhythm. A routine, not an adventure.
When nothing out of the ordinary happens, my ability to write depends entirely on whether I feel like writing. Sometimes, even if nothing special happens, I can connect ideas, link things together and turn an ordinary day into a nice piece of writing.
But on days when I’m neither in the zone to write nor in surroundings that spark new thoughts, it’s just a bag day for the blog.
I have to keep the bigger picture — the project — in mind. That said, I’d rather keep an entry short than force something uninspired.
On days when there’s not much to say, for the sanctity of the project, it’s better to write less than to be a bore. (Ironically, if this long-ass blog post turns out to be boring, then I’ve done exactly what I set out to avoid. Apologies in advance.)
Still, I’m relieved that at least I am writing.
For the longest time, writing consistently was a goal I couldn’t prioritize. I’ve been doing these biweekly check-ins with a friend from uni for many months now, and writing was on my goals list for ages before I finally gave up and scrapped it. I just didn’t have time. Now that I’m actively making time for it, I’m glad.
It’s funny — I think I owe some of this habit to my time at Bankhead Primary School where every time the class was taken on a field trip, we were also made to write reports on it once we came back. The whole class would be buzzing with excitement for the trip itself, right up until it was time to write the report.
I’m pretty sure I considered it a burden too at the time, but looking back, I think I still carry the style of writing I adopted as a primary school kid detailing a field trip to the Falkirk Wheel. (Except I was super sick on that Falkirk Wheel trip, so I probably didn’t even write the report for that one. No idea what other places we went to, but the point stands.)
Most days, I jot down pointers throughout the day — some days more verbosely (when I’m feeling nice to my future self and don’t want to leave her too much to expand on), some days less (which happens way too often).
Rarely do I have time to sit down and write a fully polished blog post in one go.
After the exam (optimistically speaking — I know I’ll still be busy with touristy things when dad and Bua get here), I plan to go back and refine each post, properly fleshing them out from the notes I’ve taken.
That’s why I need to be fairly detailed now — to make sure I capture each day’s state of mind accurately. Otherwise, future-me risks rewriting things in a way that isn’t true to how I actually felt at the time, and I’d hate for that to happen.
Each post needs to stand as it was, from that day’s perspective.
Sometimes when I’m feeling creative and am in the zone, I end up writing everything exactly as I want it to read in the final version. Today is one of those days.
Ironically, this post has zero content in terms of experiences, no real takeaways — and yet I’ve scooped out over a thousand odd words that already kind of feel like a final cut. Maybe I’m completely off and this is the most boring thing you’ve ever read, but that’s a risk I take every time I write. And it’s a risk I’m happy to entertain.
At least today’s post is done by evening and I won’t have to carve out time for it tomorrow. That’s a win in itself.