Fitting in is a funny thing.
Lately, I’ve been the youngest in most of my social circles. Not with my school friends of course, but the people I hang out with in London. Being the most recent student, you could say I relate most to being one.
So, when we visited my brother’s university campus and stopped by the cafeteria for a meal, it was strange how out of place I felt.
The people around me probably weren’t much younger — I graduated last year, and in Tokyo, a bachelor’s degree is a four-year course whereas mine had been a three-year one. Plus, I’d assume there were some masters students around too. I was basically the same age as a bunch of these people, even dressed similarly.
Maybe it was because everyone was speaking Japanese, or maybe it was just the quiet awareness inside me that I’m not a student anymore. Or perhaps it was just the weirdness of a university cafeteria being open to the public (mom was there with me). Nobody would’ve been able to tell from the outside, but I felt like an imposter.
I’m normally quite socially awkward, but something about the warmth of people here in Japan has made social interactions easier. I smile and bow at shops, and to people on the street, and I genuinely feel like I fit in.
Just earlier today in Shibuya, I went jacket shopping with mom and we met a lovely lady outside the mall, Shibuya 109 where we’d just seen and left a jacket I liked because it was a bit too pricey. She was doing a survey, and we ended up chatting, filling out the survey and getting a 1000 yen voucher in return. Later, we passed her again, waved, and then talked to her once more, telling her we’d used the voucher to buy the jacket I’d originally left behind.
She told us she thought we were very warm people for waving at her again and mentioned how rare kindness like that is. (Wait, what?)
Yet here in the cafeteria, when the cashier asked me first in Japanese, and then (seeing the confusion on my face) in English, if I had a member’s card, I wanted to sink right into a hole and disappear.
Am I more comfortable around older people than my peers? I don’t want to be. Do I feel intimidated by people my age? Do I think they’re all doing better than me because I’m not studying, or working at the moment? Or is it something else entirely?
Maybe it’s less about the age difference and more about my own insecurities. Fitting in isn’t about matching everyone else’s path — it’s about finding comfort in your own, regardless of how unconventional it might seem. And realizing this is the first step on the path to making it real.